I Don't Like Spiders & Snakes

Spiders and Snakes, nope, don't like em, don't like em at all. I just have never learned to appreciate critters with fangs that can inflict pain on my person. I know, there's folks out there with slitherin' crawly pets, and to those poor, confused folks, I'll just ask fer yer forgiveness right up front.

I grew up in the northern part of the Mohave Desert in Eastern Oregon, and let me tell ya, there are definitely spiders and snakes in abundance. Now, I'm not as wound up about spiders as I am snakes, but is there anyone who enjoys walkin' head long into a spider's web? Not my favorite thing to do fer sure. But snakes, those wigglin', slitherin', and yes rattlin' critters, I truly am not a fan of em. Which leads me to a warm, sunny Fall morning out in the sagebrush hills of Eastern Oregon.

As I remember this day, it was really a great mornin'. Stan and Carl and I were out on the BLM lands just outside the home place and we were doin' our darndest to find us a big ole Muley Buck, or any buck for that matter, cause we weren't really all that particular. We'd been hikin' along and split up to cover more ground. There I am sneaking along hoping to see that elusive Buck just around every turn or jumpin' up out of a gully. Now, in this end of the world, it's a pretty darn good idea to keep one eye on the trail and make sure that you aren't about to surprise a not so friendly rattler.

So, I've been trailin' along for a while when, sure enough, I come across a bloomin' diamond back rattler. He's not overly thrilled to see me either, or smell me, or whatever it is they do. Quite frankly, I really don't much care. I'm just a wee bit pleased jthough that they have this tail waggin' habit that sounds all scratchy and rattly and the same time. This kind of tail waggin' does not however compare to your favorite huntin' dog's happy to see ya gesture. Naw, this is a "you better watch yer step or I'll poke a couple of holes in yer leg and fell em full of poison" type of a tail wag. So, I've got no problem answerin' this slithermeister with a good ole clubbin'. Yup, dispatched the varmint with a couple of well placed whacks. Okay, ya snake lovers out there, I'm askin' fergiveness again already.

I check on the critter to make sure he's really done for and am happy to report that those fangs are out of commission, whew! So, off I go to continue the quest for what I'm really lookin' for, Deer, the male variety to be more precise. I haven't gone far, and I run into Stan. We share our mornin' experiences and have a good laugh before we head on down the trail. We don't get far and holy criminy there slithers another rattler. Well, its time to find another club and, yup, get to clubbin' again. We lean our rifles up a some brush and find a good whackin' stick. I get up as close as I dare to the thing and start to swingin' away. About the fourth or fifth swing something really unexpected and completely unplanned occurs. This confounded wiggler get all wrapped around the whackin' stick and as I take my next back swing the snake comes with the swing and up into the air flies the snake. A flying rattlesnake! Now there's a critter that will put the fear into ya, at least it sure did to me and ole Stan. All we can think to do is RUN, and run we did, and screamin' like a couple of school girls as we leaped over the sagebrush.

This surely must have been quite the site to behold. In fact, I'd have loved to been on the hillside watching this flying snake scare the holy $#@*! outta two great white hunters. Now what, you ask? Well, we asked that same question of each other, Now What?? For starters, we have no idea whatsoever what happened to the flying rattler, heck, for all we know he's lying in wait for us or still flyin' around somewhere waiting to dive bomb us. We could have just left this forsaken place, but alas, that was not in the cards. Our rifles were still back there where we first encountered this ole snake, so now we've gotta head back down there through the lair of a fully ticked off diamond back Rattlesnake. Off we go sneakin' and peekin' our way through the brush, surveying every inch of the landscape for the once flying snake. Well, we found him, he was all hangin' out in sagebrush and once again scarin' the holy $#@*! out of us. This time though we have nothin' at all to fear because for the second time in one morning, we have put a snake out of our misery.

We gather up our guns and off we go again, and by now every stick we see is a snake. Not really, but sheesh, I never knew that dead sagebrush looked so darn much like a rattlesnake, did you? Along about then we meet up with Carl and proceed to tell him our tale. He's pretty darned amused by it all and has a pretty good laugh about our flyin' snake story, in fact, I'm not sure he believed the whole thing at all. Back on the trail again, we come up over a little rise and smack dab in the middle of the trail is snake #3. I'm walkin' in the lead, and I just turn around and head back the other direction. I tell the others that I've had all I want to do with snakes and if they wanna take care of the thing, they can have at it. Stan and Carl take a gander at the snake and they break into a big ole belly laugh. I says, "what's so bloomin' funny", and that's when the tell me its a Bull Snake. We all had a good laugh and watched this critter wind his way off through the sand.

We'd made a memory for sure that mornin' and I don't know about the other two, but to this day I still have crazy dreams about flying snakes.

Why is February Special

February is an awesome month, did you know that? I mean, to start with it's just different than any other month out there. All of the other months have days in em that start with a 3, but not February. Nope, February can't quite get there. It comes pretty darn close, but just can't close the deal. Every four years February gets within one day of making it to 30, but just can't get over the hump. Remember when you were one day short of making it to 30? Been a while hasn't it? Yeah, I remember 29, or at least I think I remember 29.

Anyway, back to February and how awesome a month it is. Is there any other month that has a special holiday for a rodent? Yeah, a rodent, a bloomin' groundhog no less. And by the way Phil, whats with the seeing your shadow thing anyway ya big scaredy rat. I'm gettin' tired of you runnin' back into yer hole and hiding out there hibernating while the rest of us have to put up with the 6 more weeks of Winter thing that you've left us with. REALLY!! You'd think you'd have the decency to at least buck up and hang out with the rest of us, but NO, you run off and hide ya overgrown field mouse.

So February, what's with the 'r'? I mean, nobody pronounces the silly 'r' anyway. I know, it's "proper" to pronounce the 'r', but who takes time to do it, huh? Its a waste of the alphabet I say!

And then there's the 'lover's holiday', brought to you by St. Valentine, FTD and Hallmark. It's a pretty darn good reminder for some of us more simple guys, but honestly, shouldn't we be rememberin' the sweetheart in our life every day? Now you know you should too, don't ya? Hallmark and FTD make a killing on this day. Wonder if it's possible to buy stock in Hallmark on the 15th and then sell it the next Feb. 1st. Bet it's worth a whole bunch more then, huh? This February 14th day is pretty darn cool too because it is the day of our, Deb & I's, anniversary. Six of them as of 2012, and many more to come.

And of course, other than the fact that the anniversary of the day I married my bride is in February, the very best part of the month is the annual Sportsman's Show. I'll never forget the first time I went to the Sportsman's Show. I was in Portland to take some class or another that must have been related to AutoCAD, or Building Codes or some such thing, and was wonderin' what to do with my self for the evening. I figured I'd check out the newspaper and see what was goin' on, I mean, I was livin' in small town Eastern Oregon, and there usually wasn't much cookin', so I figured, heck, there must be somethin' I could do in a big ole city, right? Well, I was in luck for sure! I saw this ad for a Sportsman's Show and, well, I'm a sportsman, so I figure I need to go and check this thing out. Holy Cow!! This here Expo Center is a big, big building, or 4-5 buildings all strung together, but you get the picture. The whole darn thing is clear full of toys, and I don't mean tinker toys and marbles either. The toys I'm talkin' about are camouflage and hunter green and blaze orange and more of it than I've ever seen in one spot before. And then there's fishin' gear and more fishin' gear and more, really, more............ And a big ole fish tank full of Bass & Trout & Salmon & Sturgeon & Catfish. Biguns too, makes a feller drool all over hisself. Then there was this big ole section with nothin but boats in it. Every size of boat from little ole aluminum row boats to 50' long party barges, and everything in between. In another building there's all sorts of guided hunts and expeditions being advertised and tantilized by your's truly. There was fishin' trips and huntin' trips and campin' trips and more!! And mounted heads and horns, so many of em it makes yer head spin. Then theres campers and quads and truck gear and all manner of huntin' gear. And then there's the "mother lode"!! Yup, you guessed it, WALL TENTS! They've got these tents set up all over and there's all sorts of gear to put in em too, like cots and coat hangers and lantern hangers and wood stoves and carpeting and kitchens and, well, just let your imagination run, cause the possibilities are nearly endless I tell you, endless. There's a whole bunch of other stuff there too, like optics and huntin' dogs and camp cookin' videos and lectures about huntin' and there's packin' gear and well, I think you get the picture, and if you don't, you need to go to the Sportsman's Show real bad!!

So, this brings me to the real reason for this here tale. The very best part of the Sportsman's Show is going with a friend, or more, more is good too. I mean where else can you see all this stuff and get to share the dream of seeing a bunch of it at Elk Camp? There isn't a year goes by that there isn't at least one new addition to the vast mountain of Elk Camp gear that finds it's way to Elk Camp. So who better to be with as you search for that next item of gear that certainly cannot be lived without!

Just a couple of weeks ago my ole huntin' buddy Randy and I ventured forth once again to the Expo Center to ogle and fondle all that stuff that was assembled in those big ole halls. We came from separate directions, from the East and from the South to meet up and share an afternoon of awe and wonder, along with thousands of other outdoor enthusiasts. You know, I did not know there were that many camo shirts and jackets in all of Oregon, but you could get lost in that place. If you aren't careful you'll be wanderin' around all lost and confused sayin' "can you see me now?"

Back to the important part here, focus, that's what I need , focus. But, did you ever try to focus with all that outdoorsy stuff temping and tantalizing ya at every turn and in every direction? It's hard man, I tell you, it's hard!

Randy and I walked every aisle of every building. We stopped and talked with folks we've met over the years and some we've even hunted with. We checked out huntin' and fishin' trips and we made "tentative" plans to one day make that hunt, or take that trip. We shared a beer and we laughed and talked until the time came that we had to head home. Thing is, I've never been to a Sportsman's Show and left without making a single purchase. Oh, don't get me wrong, I saw things I wanted to come home with, but at this point, most of the stuff I want to bring home doesn't fit too easily in the car, or for that matter in the pickup. These toys are also on the more pricey side of things if you know what I mean.

But truly, here's the real reason that neither of us bought a single article of gear. We didn't sign up for any hunts, we didn't even enter any raffles, okay, I signed up for one (full disclosure here). I believe though that we came home with more than we ever had before. We walked and talked and shared and laughed. We talked about work and play and family and future and dreams. We shared concern over circumstances and friends and choices. We laughed about dogs and of camps from the past and more than anything, we were simply there and being old friends that were just happy to be spending an afternoon together.

Maybe next year we'll bring home a new "toy" from the Sportsman's Show, but until then we'll manage just fine.