The Bung Fodder Blues

Have you ever had them, the Bung Fodder Blues? If you have, you know what I'm referring to and you'd just as soon never have the "Blues" again. Now this malady can only present itself to its fullest and most memorable extent when you find yourself in the great out of doors, in need of doing something that is usually done indoors, and, worst of all, you are completely bereft of the one thing you really, really, need. Yes, Bung Fodder.

Now Bung Fodder has been known by many names. There's toilet paper, TP, hunter's money, rolled relief, and the list goes on. But, no matter what the name, it is, although not found in the Boy Scout list of "10 essentials", definately an essential. Without this essential, one can only seek for a replacement Bung Fodder such as leaves, grass, sagebrush (I know this sounds a bit rough, but in much of eastern Oregon, it may be the only vegitation of choice.

Shoot, it only takes one of these memorable events, or at least that's all it should take, to make an outdoorsman(woman) keep Bung Fodder handy at all times. Whether you keep Bung Fodder in your pocket, in your pack, or under your hat, just make sure you have it. There are a few other helpful hints that you should take heed of.

First of all, don't just wad the stuff up and shove it in your fanny pack to rattle around half the day with your knife, matches, binos, compass, lunch, and whatever else you have in there. You've got to roll the Bung Fodder off the roll, or you just save up the last 10% - 20% of your household Bung Fodder, still on the roll and keep some spares for your next outing. Easy to handle, and easy to take care of. Second, and this is really, really important, put the Bung Fodder in a Zippy bag for crying out loud. Can't you almost feel the despair, after finding the perfect spot to make a deposit in the soil bank, as you reach for your cherished Bung Fodder only to find that it is in withered tatters due to being soaked from a leaky canteen, or from the storm earlier in the day that soaked your pack.

Now here is the third thing you must at least consider. Do take along roughly twice the amount of Bung Fodder as you think you'll need. See, here's the deal. We all know what hunting camp meals can contain. Not all of the meals, mind you, but lets be realistic, how many times do you make it through a week's worth of hunting camp without at least one meal consisting of, yes, I'll say it, BEANS. I don't know why, but this is some sort of food staple at camp, usually accompanied by spicy chips and salsa and washed down with a beer or two. So, without going into any more detail, you must understand why item #3 is an important one to remember. Without it, you will undoubtedly suffer, sooner or later, from the Bung Fodder Blues.

And #4. This I add because it is a pet peeve. I do love the great outdoors. Making the effort to log many thousands of steps each hunting season to do my best to avoid those who don't venture too far from the blacktop, it is a disappointment at best to find the litter that those less concerned leave behind. My hunting partners and myself often take the extra effort to haul off cans and candy wrappers and other garbage we find as we are out and about. The worst has to be finding someones "leavings" that include Bung Fodder. Kick a hole in the dirt and cover yer "leavings" with brush or pine needles or something for cryin out loud!

OK, off of my soapbox for a minute. Back to the "Bung Fodder Blues". Have you had them, these "blues". I think you have, yep, I believe I can hear you chuckling out there. Sure, it wasn't funny then, but, and be honest now, it is a bit humerous now, Huh?

Train up those young outdoors types right. Get em to understand that "I don't need to go" is not a good excuse to be without that most desired of essentials. It is "essentially" this, keep it handy, or you too will suffer from this horrible malady. THE BUNG FODDER BLUES.